I am a people pleaser. That’s right – I admit it. Right here – in front of all of you. I
spend waste a great deal of time worrying about what other people think of me. My parent’s told me that I should always play nice and then people would like me. Winning approval from others is was important to me; partly because of how I was raised, and partly because of how I am wired. It took me many years to realize that I was basing my self-worth on what other people thought of me instead of what I thought of myself.
“Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.” Wayne Dyer
When you make choices based on other people’s expectations (sometimes explicit and sometimes assumed) most of the time, you regret them because they are not coming from inside you. You probably know someone who has made important choices like where to go to school, what career to pick, even who to marry, not for their personal benefit really, but because they wanted the ultimate approval from their ____________ (choose one or many) parents, spouse, friend, business associate, etc.
Living up to someone’s image of you instead of your own makes you invisible. In the end it erodes your feeling of personal value – of self-worth. There are many people who do not value their own self-worth and this shows up in their work, in their level of happiness, and in their brand. If you build your personal brand with no self-confidence, it is like a house of cards, it will fall as soon as the wind blows.
Here are 5 things to work on to improve your view of you:
1. You can’t please everyone all the time. This is a hard pill to swallow for us people pleasers, but it is reality. The sooner you stop wasting time trying to make everyone happy the better you will start feeling about yourself. Someone is always going to not like something, so just be true to yourself and don’t waste time trying to fix it. “I am thankful for all of those who said NO to me. It’s because of them I’m doing it myself.” – Albert Einstein
2. We all make mistakes. One of my favorite quotes is by Mary Pickford: “If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.” The past, is gone. Free yourself by leaving the past, in the past. My daughter rode horses when she was little, and when she fell off (which you always will sooner or later), I picked her up and put her back in the saddle. We all fall off from time to time, it’s how you continue the ride that makes the difference.
3. Find what inspires you. Only you know what makes your heart beat a little faster when you think or talk about it. Listen to yourself. Self-worth is not a one time thing, it’s about constantly improving who you are, about continually reinventing yourself. The more you tap into the things that make you feel fulfilled, the greater your self-confidence will be. “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs
4. Take responsibility for who you are. You are in control of your attitude, how you react to situations, and your sense of self-worth. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” so don’t let them. It is your job to prove to yourself that you matter. We can not always control the things that happen to us, but we can control how we handle them.
5. Value yourself. “Self confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have. how can anyone see how awesome you are if you can’t see it yourself?” – Unknown I bet you could write out a nice list of all your faults right now, but what I want you to do is write down your skills and abilities. A big part of valuing yourself is stopping the negative internal talk and focusing on the positive things. Everyone is good at something – be real with yourself. Just name even one or two things that you enjoy doing.
Walk tall because, as Dr. Seuss said, ” you have brains in your head – you have feet in your shoes – you can steer yourself – any direction you choose.”
What have you learned about your self-worth? Have you reinvented yourself lately?
Keep up the good attitude. See you next blog.
(All the Social Butterfly’s views are her own)